Your last name sounds familiar - are you a nepo baby?

I wish. Unfortunately, my dad is a Dutch immigrant who loves me but can’t further my career in any way. You’re probably thinking of Eddie Van Halen, the guitarist of the 80s rock band Van Halen, of whom I’m not related.

I’m so-so on your comedy. What else can you do? 

I know a ton about advanced baseball statistics (I can tell you exactly how many home runs Barry Bonds would’ve hit in 2001 if he played all of his games at Coors Field.) I play a little bit of piano and trombone. I like running. I ask good questions. 

How old are you?

30.

What’s you go-to karaoke song?

“Torn” by Natalie Imbruglia.

Do you send food back at restaurants?

No.

What’s your favorite movie scene of the past ten years?

Either this one, this one, or this one.

Do you think you could make it to the merge if you played Survivor?

Yes.

What’s your best stand-up bit?

Probably this one about working at Fox News.

What’s your worst stand-up bit?

I tried doing this bit back when I was unemployed about how you can’t be a jerk when you don’t have health insurance b/c if you get beat up it’s so much more expensive. It bombed every single time I tried it on stage. Like, people immediately looking at their phones out of boredom.